It’s June 1st, I’m supposed to be taking Jade down to the border so our attorney can walk her across to *my* husband, I love saying that: *my husband*, anyway I won’t be taking Jade to her Papa. Someone called social services, complained about our living situation, said Jade wasn’t getting enough to eat. Now the visitation is postponed until a social worker completes her investigation. I have to take Jade to a state approved doctor for a complete physical and blood work tomorrow. Next week there’s an in home inspection and interview. It’ll take at least another week before I can arrange for Dom and Jade to get their visitation. I just got her *back*. It’s only been a few months. Nothing’s changed really, I haven’t moved, haven’t switched jobs I don’t understand why they need to do this all over again. If it wasn’t for Dom’s phone calls I think I would lose it.

June 10th:

I’m pacing up and down my living room waiting for the social worker to show up. There’s a knock at the door. I want to puke; I press a hand to my stomach as I open the door. There’s really no reason to be this nervous. The doctor said Jade was healthy and there didn’t appear to be any neglect or abuse. Nothing in our living situation has changed; this is just a formality.

I can tell she’s not happy with the place, keeps making comments about how small it is. I explain that I only just started getting child support and we’d be moving in a month or so. Well it’s true she doesn’t need to know I’m planning to sneak out of the country as soon as my Mexican citizenship goes through.

She thanks me for my time tells me she’ll let me know her decision sometime early next week. She’s sorry that Jade’s visit had to be postponed but that they have to respond to every call, and as soon as I get this door shut I am going to go throw up.

June 23rd:

This is one hell of a day. I’ve been sick off and on since the social worker did her inspection so I took a home pregnancy test, guess what; the rabbit died. I was in a bit of shock at first I mean we only did it once. At least I can say last time I had 2 days of incredible if unprotected sex. And while the sex was just as incredible as it was 3 years ago it was still one quickie in the men’s bathroom on my wedding day! I also got social services decision; they found no reason to remove Jade from my custody; which definitely makes me feel better. But not as much as the notice of citizenship from the Mexican government that I got in the mail this afternoon. It’s gonna be one hell of a phone call tonight I tell you that.